Middlebury Magazine

  • Recent Stories
  • Menu
    • Features
    • Essays
    • Q&A
    • Podcasts
    • Review
    • Videos
    • About
    • Advertising
    • Contact
    • Support
    • Writers’ Guidelines
  • Search

Dispatches

More Than Unwelcome in America

Reflections on what it feels like to be Asian in the United States.

By Bochu Ding '21
Photograph by Getty Images
March 26, 2021
  • Facebook icon
  • Twitter icon
  • Email icon

“We don’t have a place here.”

I looked up — mid-bite into my noodles — at my mom, whose matter-of-fact tone surprised me. She paused.

“I don’t feel safe here,” she continued, more wistfully. “And it frightens me when you’re away.”

It broke my heart then. But this past week, it’s broken my heart a lot more.

I grew up on Lincoln and 19th in the Sunset District of San Francisco, where wisps of morning fog would tumble into the city at first light. The district is bounded by Golden Gate Park on one side and Ocean Beach on another. It is home to San Tung’s famous fried chicken wings, legions of boba shops and a good portion of San Francisco’s Asian-American community.

It’s where the salon of a’yi stood — where I sat sobbing after I had lost my parents in the crowd as she ran out to find them; it’s where bobo worked as a waiter — at a restaurant where I’d get fortune cookies for tagging along during deliveries; it’s where shushu lived, in a house where we’d gather on Halloween each year before driving to affluent neighborhoods for trick-or-treating.

Those memories flooded into my mind on Wednesday when I learned of the unconscionable murders that occurred in Atlanta. As more information about the victims rolled in, I could not shake the feeling that they could have easily been someone I knew. I pictured the heinous acts of hate befalling the people who guided me into adulthood — those who had cut my hair, who let me feed the fish in their restaurants, and whose hand-me-downs I wore to school.

Soon Chung Park (박순정). Hyun Jung Grant ([김]현정). Suncha Kim (김순자). Yong Ae Yue (유용애). Xiaojie Tan (谭小洁). Daoyou Feng (冯道友). Delaina Ashley Yaun. Paul Andre Michels.

Eight lives taken — six of whom were women of Asian descent.

Those women were not just a set of nameless, faceless casualties. They were daughters and mothers, mentors and caretakers, leaders and advocates, lovers and dreamers. They had favorite dishes and small things that delighted them, songs and movies that made them laugh and cry, people they loved and people who loved them. They held onto their dreams and aspirations, celebrated their accomplishments and new beginnings, and suffered loss and pain.

They deserved to feel safe — to be safe. And they deserved to know that they had as much of a right as anyone else to call this country their home.

But it’s naive to pretend that the U.S. has ever been a welcoming — or even accepting — place for those of Asian descent. Anti-Asian discrimination and violence are deeply interwoven into the fabric of U.S. history — from immigration legislation that excluded those of Asian descent to the Chinese Massacre of 1871 to Japanese internment during World War II to the Watsonvillle Anti-Filipino riots to the recent rise of anti-Asian hate crimes amid the pandemic. And it won’t stop here, either.

This hate and otherization isn’t new. Nor is it relegated to the annals of history or an abstract idea to be dissected in liberal arts classrooms.

Two summers ago, I was riding the bus home when a man accosted my colleague and me, shouting a series of slurs and threatening to hurt us and several fellow Asian passengers including a small child.

The situation continued to escalate, and as I looked around for support, I noticed that the driver and my fellow passengers refused to intervene — or even to make eye contact.

After a tense standoff, the man exited the vehicle.

Almost immediately, the once silent passengers began asking if we were alright and expressed their frustration with what happened.

While I was grateful for their support, I could not help but feel a sense of rage and disappointment — what good are niceties and condolences if no one would step in to prevent harassment and potential violence?

I got home, locked the door and sat down on the floor. I cried.

The deluge of articles, tweets and comments following the shooting reminded me of the frustration I felt on that summer day. Why did it take the horrific deaths of six people to draw attention to the rise of anti-Asian sentiment and violence amid Covid-19 — even though advocacy and community organizations had been trying to garner attention for months? And are brutal murders necessary to validate and legitimize the veracity of the hate and discrimination targeting those of Asian descent — or those of any ethnic group — that have spanned centuries?

These questions have bombarded my thoughts in the past week. And this past Sunday, I finally decided to call my mom — whose reservations about our place in the U.S. have always stood in stark contrast to my attachment to my Asian-American identity.

Our conversation drifted, eventually landing on the shooting in Atlanta. I told her that the senseless murders saddened me and braced for her response, expecting her to voice her concerns about the U.S.

She paused.

“There are too many things in this world that will bring you sadness and pain,” she said. “I just want you to be happy.”

And it broke my heart all over again.

Bochu Ding is a senior at Middlebury and the editor-in-chief of the Middlebury Campus, where this essay originally appeared.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Stories

Features

A Dog’s Life

A filmmaker takes us into the minds of the animals who are part of our families.

By Sara Thurber Marshall
Photographs by Randal Ford and Steve James
April 4, 2025

On Parenting

Caitlin McCormick Murray ’05 has some thoughts on what it means to be a good mom.

By Frederick Reimers ’93
Photograph by Justin Patterson
March 15, 2025

Object Lessons

Curator Rebekah Irwin sees Middlebury's Special Collections as a laboratory, where antiquities meet utility.

By Caroline Crawford
Photograph by Adam Detour
August 23, 2024

Seeing the Forest for the Trees

How one alumna is embracing a distinctive reforesting technique that promotes accelerated ecological benefits.

By Elena Valeriote, MA Italian '19 in conversation with Hannah Lewis '97
Illustrations by Karlotta Freier
August 16, 2024

Dispatches

Thanks for the Memories

A student-curated exhibit explores the Middlebury experience through more than a century of undergrad scrapbooks.

By Jessie Raymond '90
Photographs by Todd Balfour
May 5, 2025

Fear Factor

A scientific model—and work of art—warns of the next pandemic.

By Jessie Raymond '90
Photograph by Jonathan Blake
April 4, 2025

From NESCAC to NFL?

Thomas Perry '25 has a shot at playing football on Sundays.

By Matt Jennings
Photograph by Rodney Wooters
March 11, 2025

Words in Space

A NASA interpreter bridges the language gap, one mission at a time.

By Jessie Raymond '90
Illustrations by Davide Bonazzi
February 15, 2025

Keeping Her Stick on the Ice

An alumna’s passion for ice hockey puts her in the record books.

By Sara Thurber Marshall
Illustration by Connie Noble
January 26, 2025

Watch Party

Henry Flores ’01 builds a community of collectors.

By Jessie Raymond '90
Photograph by Hubert Kolka
January 15, 2025

A Man of Letters

The art of letter writing may be in decline, but one alumnus has kept it alive in a unique way.

By Sara Thurber Marshall
Photograph used with the permission of Melvin B. Yoken
October 9, 2024

If the Sneaker Fits

Adam King ’05 brings an Asian aesthetic—and celebrates Asian American culture—with his startup, 1587 Sneakers.

By Jessie Raymond ’90
Photograph by Sasha Greenhalgh
August 22, 2024

Jacob Shammash and the Gift of the Torah

A story of two journeys.

By Jessie Raymond '90
Photographs by Paul Dahm
April 21, 2024
View All

Essays

Shear Madness

A yarn shop owner with no livestock experience takes an unlikely detour.

By Lindsey Spoor, MA French ’08
Illustration by Ben Kirchner
April 4, 2025

Q&A

37 Minutes with Lorraine Besser

The professor and philosopher talks about the three elements of the “good life”—especially the one happiness culture overlooks.

By Jessie Raymond '90
Photograph by Oliver Parini
April 4, 2025

Quotation

A summer immersed in a language can do wonders, as veterans of Middlebury College’s famous language-learning program can attest. The lockdown is clearly going to amount to the equivalent of about two summers, and there are mini-Middleburys happening in millions of houses worldwide.”

—John McWhorter, writing “The Coronavirus Generation Will Use Language Differently” in the Atlantic.

Podcasts

The Exit Interview with Middlebury President Laurie L. Patton

With her presidency at Middlebury coming to an end, the host of this podcast becomes its final guest.

By Middlebury Magazine Staff
December 18, 2024

The Monterey Trialogue: A Distinct Take on Superpower Diplomacy featuring Anna Vassilieva and Peter Slezkine

Our guests for episode six of season three are Anna Vassilieva and Peter Slezkine, the folks behind the Monterey Trialogue—which brings together leading experts from the United States, China, and Russia for in-depth discussions of their countries' interests and concerns in the vital regions of the world.

By Middlebury Magazine Staff
July 19, 2024

Education as the Great Equalizer, featuring Annie Weinberg ’10

Our guest for episode five of season three is Annie Weinberg '10, the founder and executive director of Alexander Twilight Academy, an educational catalyst program in Boston, Massachusetts, that supports students from under-resourced backgrounds.

By Middlebury Magazine Staff
March 14, 2024

Review

Editors’ Picks for March and April

By Middlebury Magazine Staff
April 10, 2025

Editors’ Picks for January and February

By Middlebury Magazine Staff
February 14, 2025

Long Live Brazenhead

Out of a secret bookstore comes a unique literary review.

By Sara Thurber Marshall
Photograph by Todd Balfour
January 13, 2025

Videos

Creating Community Through Hip Hop

For three days in March, the sounds, styles, and fashions of global hip hop converged on Middlebury for an electric symposium.

By Jordan Saint-Louis '24
April 17, 2023

Pomp and Unusual Circumstances

As viewed from above.

By Chris Spencer
June 1, 2021

Davis the Owl Returns Home

Having recovered from life-threatening injuries, a beautiful winged creature is released to its natural habitat.

By Andrew Cassell
April 22, 2021
Middlebury College
  • Alumni
  • Newsroom
  • Contact Us
  • icon-instagram

The views presented are not necessarily those of the editors or the official policies of the College.

© 2025 Middlebury College Publications.